Jessie Adaiah

update

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 05:15:34 GMT

life is different now. much different. but it is also better. my son makes me indescribably happy. time is moving fast. too fast. in a week, he will be four months old. it makes me sad to think that my baby will be a man someday. it's hard to let pass every beautiful moment with him. but i feel good about all of this. i am where i belong and i am ready and excited for more.

Elliott Christopher LaRose was born on July 6th, 2009, just three days before his due date. he weighed 8lbs, 12.4oz and was 21in long. labor and delivery went as well as it possibly could have. and although it was the most exhausting 17 hours of my life, it was also the happiest. i would definitely do it all over again.

love at first sight.

8lbs, 12.4oz, 21in

my father meeting Elliott for the very first time.

such a loving moment.

my father and sister with the newest addition to our family.

so happy.

my sister and her nephew, less than half an hour old.

my father and his new grandson.

Elliott's godmother (who was also my birthing coach) holding her new godson.

dad and his son.

good friend and Elliott.

he's mad!

Elliott Christopher LaRose.

just the two of us, second night in the hospital.

dad holding him shortly before going home.

on my way home after three days of recovery.

hurt

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:18:50 GMT

(paraphrased from another entry)

my lip quivers, heart shivers,
i've been used and misused again
by your deception, my misconceptions.
thought i was full but suddenly i'm starving.
alone and empty once again.
can't take anything for granted.

maternity shoot

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 02:48:01 GMT

9 days left.....

dear Elliott,

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:40:34 GMT

it's only a matter of days now until my eyes finally meet yours, when i can tell you how much i love you, how much you have changed me, saved me, healed me. i was meant for this. to create you, to love you, to take care of you and help you become who you are meant to be. i can't wait to hold and kiss you. you are my miracle, a blessing that i once i thought i'd never have. your life is precious and i will never regret the decision i made to bring you into this world. my choice was always to love you.

i had a feeling, and i wanted to be back in his room where it started.

Mon, 25 May 2009 05:39:00 GMT

i stood there for a moment looking at him. he came over and stood beside me. i reached down slowly and slid my hands around his body. he seemed so used to my hands being there. so i decided i might as well tell him. i wasn’t sure how he’d take it, after all these years; and then he started to smile. i hadn’t expected anything like this. i remembered every little thing i had been missing, i recognized the emptiness that had been my burden, and then he filled with me his love. it was the most familiar feeling, nothing could have ever felt so right.

....so where am i now? alone and empty once again. i thought i was full, and suddenly i’m starving.

can’t take anything for granted.